A Year of Things

Some wins, favorite photographs, good books, hearty essays, and what's next.

I’m writing this at 6:20 AM. My cat’s butthole is next to my face because he thinks I forgot to feed him. Now, he’s resting his belly on my arm, trying to stop me from writing. This pretty much captures the theme of my year: blocked from writing and being on the stinky end of things.

I am also in a medical boot because of an Achilles surgery. The injury happened two years ago, but I finally got it done. Two years of hobbling around, dealing with random back and shoulder pains, being unable to exercise intensely, or walking around the city to photograph things. Oh, I also got a random nose infection the day after surgery. The pain was worse than the Achilles recovery. Then, about a week later, an infection in my earlobe returned. Two bouts of psoriasis in a single year is a new record.

Like the screaming rice cooker, this bundle of atoms made entirely of kimchi & gabagool had a helluva year.

Despite stinky things and my body nudging me—sometimes snapping—to wake me up, I am enormously grateful. I am also sad about the world, trying to stay sane.

“Dead week” is my favorite. I read old journal entries, comb through my Apple notes, re-read entries into my commonplace book, browse photography folders, and clean up the apartment. This week is about perspective, clearing the cache (in your mind), and rest, whatever that means.

Here is a curation of some favorite photos, personal wins and lessons learned, book and essay recommendations, and what’s next.

Favorite photographs of the year

I spent two weeks with my childhood best friend and girlfriend in Kona, Hawaii. Magical is an understatement. There is genuinely no word that captures the beauty, aura, and energy on that island.

We ate with locals, swam with fish, trekked a volcano, drove up 13,000 feet to an observatory, and drank more coconut water than one’s body should absorb.

Here are some other favorite snaps

Jellyfish in Baltimore.

Some wins

• Celebrating three years of love with my partner, Marta.

• Started a new role as Director of Brand at Personio.

• Achilles is healing well. I’m eating lots of kimchi and gabagool.

• Shipped this Substack and didn’t lose all of my subscribers after sending an email for the first time in three years.

• Launched the Mixpanel rebrand and didn’t get ripped apart on Brand New.

• Re-kindled old friendships. I also read many essays on friendships, which made me appreciate how I have friends of over 20+ years.

• I photographed my friend Caroline’s wedding at City Hall! Loved every minute of this experience.

Biggest lesson learned (again)

I left a job that I liked and gave my all to, and it was one of the hardest decisions I made this year, especially given the circumstances of the work my team and I did and how we accomplished it.

I have a ritual: whenever I feel like shit at my job because my body is telling me that things are wrong, I talk to like 5 to 10 of my closest friends. People at my career level and beyond. I tell them my situation fully, hoping they keep it real, and say, “Paul, you’re being a little entitled brat.”

But no, it’s usually, “Damn, that’s fucked up. You gotta get outta there.”

I try to remind myself that, sadly, this is how things are. The bar is so low in so many workplaces. It is difficult because I’ve spent my entire career reading about career successes, and just when I feel like I’m at a place where I can live that story, I get Will Smith bitch-slapped. I keep having to relearn this lesson, and I feel I’ve reached a point where I’m just numb to all of it or finally coming to terms with reality.

A top industry recruiter asked me, “Why do you keep finding yourself in places where you’re exploited and used up?” LOL. Wow. That question will extend another ten years of therapy.

This essay by Mandy Brown helped put things in perspective. She opens up about a similar situation and how she decided [emphasis mine].

“I did quit that job. And I did uncover some new devils. I’m uncertain if they were lesser or greater devils—my taxonomy of devils isn’t all that rigorous at the end of the day—but what I learned was that once you start moving, you can just keep moving. When I found a new spot that wasn’t the right place to settle, I didn’t tarry. I took another step.”

Friends have broken down in front of me because of the shattering of their naivety, their innocence. The stories and expectations they told themselves about being a hard worker and being rewarded for it, all that psyops our generation swallowed dutifully. The door is blown off its hinges, forcing you to look at reality for what the fuck it is: messy, chaotic, and, many times, extremely unfair.

No amount of essay writing will change the industry or the people making these decisions. Accountability is about as useless a word as leadership in today’s state of things. The only thing I can focus on is what is in my control. Nine out of ten companies are flaming shitshows; this I know. Trying to change how companies behave is a futile endeavor. Believing that a company will reward you for doing top industry-level work is LOL at best. Such is life.

Marcus Aurelius always has something good for these moments:

“Surrounded as we are by all of this, we need to practice acceptance. Without disdain. But remembering that our own worth is measured by what we devote our energy to.”

So, the biggest lesson for me is how to keep a job as a job while still doing it with the level of craft and quality that I am known for because that personal feeling and connection to the work is rightfully mine. No one can take that away, and I couldn’t stop myself if I tried. But the expectations, the grand narratives I invent about how I’ll be rewarded for being a good little worker bee increasing shareholder value… it needs to end. This is the hardest thing for me to do because 1) I’m Korean, and 2) well, clearly, there is a lot of childhood shit to unpack here.

Good books and ideas

How Elites Ate the Social Justice Movement by Freddie deBoer

This book examines history, connects the dots on various cultural events, and helps people like me understand how everything from #OccupyWallStreet to #MeToo to #BLM fizzle out. Why do passionate movements fail? Why is change so hard?

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver

I only bought this because it was a Pulitzer Prize-winning book. I didn’t even care to preview what it was about. I devoured it. I loved every sentence and every chapter. A book is great when you can close your eyes and see the characters and when you absorb the story faster than you can read the words. The best part of this book? No fancy grammar. Just periods and commas. Punchy sentences. The words jumped off the page. I, of course, later learned who Kingsolver was and her legendary status. I love catching up to greatness.

Bill Bernbach’s Book: A History of Advertising That Changed the History of Advertising by Evelyn Bernbach

In an era of uninspired advertising, this book is an essential resource for creatives. Bernbach's legacy of innovation and disdain for mediocrity shines through, offering timeless insights into what elevates advertising from good to great.

The Vanishing Designer by Chuánqí Sun

This is a good essay on how the ZIRP era informed designers and companies on how they build products. Today, designers seem to make things for other designers, not customers. Everything looks the same in every app—whether you’re ordering food and groceries, hiring a babysitter, or managing your projects. It’s so sad. No wonder why techlords want to make writers and designers irrelevant with AI.

The People Who Don’t Read Books by Thomas Chatterton Williams

I love this title. Just reading it filled me up with a dozen spicy thoughts. I believe this unequivocally: reading books is one of the most fundamental ways to improve your life, quality of thinking, and actions.

I describe it to non-readers like this: your brain is software, like an operating system, that uses a set of beliefs, words, thoughts, ideas, and patterns. Reading a book upgrades the software, adding new layers of language and ideas. This allows you to think better, more clearly, and expansively.

Software is Beating the World by Ed Zitron

Ed has become one of my favorite writers who rips apart the illusions of bullshit in the tech industry. His essays are a canary in the coal mine. His latest essay helps people like me connect the dots on where the last decade went wrong due to specific ideas and players in the game. It’s a level of analysis and research I cannot do because I get too angry and lose focus.

How To by Michael Bierut

This book is inspiring because it shows the depth and breadth of one’s career. Decades upon decades of work, both in craft and range. More importantly, it shows how design is good for business, creating change, and communicating.

The Age of Average by Alex Murrell

Murrell's frustration with cultural homogenization is palpable as he decries the current state of music, film, and design. He challenges the reader to consider when and how this cycle of repetition might be broken.

What’s next

• Excited to start my new role at a new gig, stepping into a more official “leadership” position. In short, less IC work, more the other messy shit.

• Expect infrequent posts, probably once or twice a month. I’ve been writing longer pieces that require more analysis, research, and time to ensure I have a viewpoint worth sharing.

• Maybe a photobook? I envy Craig Mod and everything he does. I know this is a terrible reason to invest a lot of money and time into making a photobook that probably five people would buy, but still. I’m curious. I want to make physical, beautiful things in 2024.

If you made it to the end, then wow. I am grateful for you.

Happy New Year, stay healthy and stay sane!